Is Fighting Fair? by Michael Webb

If your child came to you and asked if she could have a fight with her friend down the street would you tell her “sure, just make sure it is a fair fight”?  If Iraq and Iran are fighting, do you think it is good as long as they are “fighting fair”?

Most people would say that they should try to talk over their differences and peacefully negotiate instead. So why do so many people say it is ok for couples to fight as long as they have a fair fight? That certainly sends the wrong message even though they might be using the word “fight” in a different way.  We should be encouraging couples to negotiate instead of fight.

So, here are some points for negotiating a problem in your relationship.

# Wait until your temper is in control.  If necessary, exercise, take a walk, work in the garden or do something that will help relieve the tension.

# Schedule a time and a place for the “peace talks” to take place. Make sure you have enough uninterrupted time to work through the issue.  Pick a location that is peaceful and without distractions.  Some people like to go to a restaurant or public place so they will be forced to not yell.

# Discuss the issue at hand. Don’t wait until you have five or ten things that are upsetting you before you schedule a talk.

# The purposes of negotiations aren’t to have your mate believe just as you do, but for them to understand your beliefs and feelings. People are different and that can be a good thing.

# Use “I” sentences to explain how you feel. For example “I feel hurt and neglected when you spend all Sunday with your golf buddies” instead of saying “you are a bad husband for always playing golf and ignoring me.”

# Unlike fighting, in negotiations, no side has to come out “the winner.” Both of you will win with deeper understanding and compassion for each other.

# Sometimes it is wise to compromise but other times it can cause resentment.  Don’t ask your sweetheart to give up golf just because he isn’t spending enough time with you.  Cut back, yes. Give up, no.

# If you find it helpful, write out your peace treaty and sign it.

Michael Webb is: Athena’s loving husband. Best-selling author (over a dozen books). Media Celebrity (over 500 TV & Radio appearances). Founder, TheRomantic.com. Founder, National Resurrect Romance Week (2nd week in August). Founder, Love One Another Charitable Foundation.

The Chinese Bamboo Tree by Talia Applebaum

The Chinese bamboo tree is not like most trees.  Most trees grow steadily over a period of years.  However, the Chinese bamboo tree barely breaks through the ground in its first four years.  Can you imagine planting a tree and never seeing any change in the ground for four years?!  Be encouraged in all of your I-see-no-growth areas of your life, as you read the following story …  Min. Patricia

Do you know about the Chinese Bamboo Tree? Plant its seed in the ground. When you’ll go to see if it has grown, you’ll see nothing. For years you’ll see nothing, except a tiny shoot sprouting from a bulb.

You’ll go out to the garden time after time. You’ll peer at it from all sides to discern if perhaps from a hidden place, something is growing. You’ll stand before this tiny sprout and tap your foot impatiently grumbling, “Grow already grow!”

You’ll reprimand it saying, “Is this my reward for going out on a sweltering summer day to dig a hole under the scorching sun’s rays to plant you? I did it lovingly though. I planted you with love and hope. I obtained the best soil for you. I fed you the most nutritious plant food and watered you religiously. I withheld neither toil nor money.”

You’ll try coaxing, with gentle words. “Precious, please grow. I’m chalishing to see you grow tall and strong and revel in your towering majesty.”

You’ll resort to threats. “If you don’t start growing within 3 days, I’m going to pluck you from the land of the living! I mean it, you’ll see these are no empty threats!”

Then manipulation, “Bamboo sweetheart, take a look around. Haven’t you noticed all the other foliage in the garden has grown in leaps and bounds, stunning the eyes, gladdening the heart!”

Employing guilt tripping you’ll say, “Bamboo, have compassion on an aging woman! Give me the satisfaction of seeing you grow if only a few inches before my time comes to go to The Supernal Garden on High!

You’ll sing to it, “Little Bamboo grow, grow, grow/ Your loveliness I want to know/ In your shade I’ll sit all day/ as I watch the children play.”

As a last ditch effort you’ll bring an authentic Chinese person to speak to it in its own language! And what will you get in return… zilch, nothing, silence!

Your frustration will know no bounds! You’ll want to pounce on it and stomp the life out of it! You’ll exclaim in pain, “For years I watered you with my own sweat and tears!”

Then just when you’re ready to call it quits and lay down your watering can…

In the fifth year…

In the fifth year…

It’ll grow 80 feet tall.

Talia Applebaum is the editor and publisher of A Woman’s Way: A Journal for the Jewish Woman. To obtain a complimentary copy contact talia66@zahav.net.il

Faith for Finances: It’s Time for a Paradigm Shift!

As Christians, we are “in” the world, but not “of” the world. Therefore, we are not limited by things that limit the world. This includes the Recession. In order to come out of this downturned economy ON TOP, we must get involved in God’s Financial Plan. We must develop our faith for finances and continuously walk in the blessing!

I began teaching on this on Blog Talk Radio.  This week’s lesson is entitled, “It’s Time for a Paradigm Shift!”  Click below to hear this lesson and the previous lessons, so that you can come out of this Recession ON TOP!

Faith for Finances:  It’s Time for a Paradigm Shift!

Want to use this article in your ezine, blog, or website?  You have my permission as long as you include this complete blurb with it:  Min. Patricia D. Samuels, MA is the founder of Patricia Samuels Ministries, Inc. and the International Association of Proverbs 31 Women.  Visit her websites today and be blessed by something you view, read, or hear:  http://www.patriciasamuels.org and http://www.iap31w.com.